Matters of the Sacred Heart: My long-delayed Man-batical

Here I go, taking it public:

You know 'those' Christians who kissed dating goodbye? Confession: they drive me crazy. I can't tell you how many times I rolled my mind's eye of "fasting from dating". Even though I can respect that people are different, I am diametrically (yes, diametrically I say!) opposed to reserving all physical affection until after marriage under the guise that this is "chastity".

Chastity, according to the trusty CCC (Catechism of the Catholic Church) is the "successful integration of sexuality with the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being" (#2337). It falls underneath the cardinal virtue of temperance. If temperance adopts the axiom "Everything in moderation", this applies to physical affection as well. Never expressing that with a person who you're in a relationship with is not chastity, grrr!

In the words of my Christian marriage professor, "chaste expressions of affection should be an accurate reflection of the intimacy that exists between two persons". I agree with this - couples in exclusive relationships SHOULD have a marked difference in the way they interact physically than they do with other people. I think if an engaged couple isn't kissing, there's something puritanical or legalistic lurking under the surface. I think our culture needs radical examples of relationships where people are depicting the freedom of the love of Christ and can show how it's done without it being automatically associated with fiesta de temptation!

But, I digress. For all my strong opinions on this subject, I actually regret that I never 'fasted from dating' in college - there, I admitted it. My freshman year, when my prayer life was the most consistent it's ever been, I remember distinctly sensing in prayer the Lord let me know I wasn't going to find my vocation while a student at Franciscan University. I promptly ignored this, and you know what? I DIDN'T DATE ANYONE THE WHOLE TIME I WAS IN COLLEGE. I spent an awful lot of wasted energy on different guys, but none of that ever resulted in an official relationship. Now I'm realizing that if I had put all that energy into pursuing the Lord as much as I was wishing a guy would pursue me, I'd be in a far different place spiritually now. And so, I have resolved that I'm going to do what I should have done a long time ago - take an official sabbatical from waiting for the next guy to roll around.

So, from now until the Feast of the Sacred Heart next June, my heart belongs to One Man. I'm going to take some serious time to examine the things that still need healing in me, and to really try to listen to the Lord speak about my vocation. Even though it's what I WANT, I'm not really sure if He's calling me to marriage. What I want to want more than anything, is to want His will for me. In the words of Saint Gianna, "Whatever God wants".

Now that it's published, I can't back out - so if Mr. Perfect-Catholic-Spouse-Candidate surfaces in my life, someone remind me that I wrote this entry! :)